Here we go again

In what may be a slightly confusing way of doing things, I'm going to work backwards from now in my account of what's been a-happening. When I reach the point at which I no longer want to reverse, I'm then going to leap forward to the present once more, and start working with time again, rather than against it. Hmm. Good luck to us all.

I knew that this journey was not going to be the smoothest I'd had when Jet (my pal Zhang Zhe 章哲) called from Beijing airport a day early to ask me where I was. Uh oh.

I then realised that my beloved orange coat with the HUGE buttons had been misplaced during our Proms in the Park escapade and I would be leaving Britain without it (I was rather lucky to acquire a replacement green one, however, with striking lime green lining, but no GINORMOUS buttons!)

I later listened, without surprise, as a bodyfree voice (with a rather lovely Irish accent) told me that my flight was at best delayed, and was in fact more than likely not going to leave at all (that day). Luckily I'd forced seven books into my hand luggage so I dug in at my Heathrow departure gate and, after informing us that the fault had been with the plane's anti-collision system (too, too, TOO much information), the kind Irish man allowed me to board my Air China flight after all and leave the UK only two hours later than planned.

For the first time ever I had a talkative seat buddy. This has always been a DREAD of mine on long-haul flights, but in fact, partly because he's the first Chinese I've met able to take off an array of British regional accents, and partly because I was tired and verging on hysteria, he kept me entertained and reduced my flight-induced terror considerably! We nattered until the man in front told us to stop (!), and woke up in the morning only to resume our conversation. Jolly.

Descending to Beijing involved passing through a familiar cloud of gunk, and at this point my sense of impending doom returned. The air was smelly and stuffy, and I was sent back from every airport desk I approached (a total of THREE times), to complete forms - the necessity of which I had somehow blotted out of my consciousness.

Walking into arrivals I discovered that neither of my mobile phones was working and that I was surrounded by fake taxi drivers trying to rip me off left, right and centre. The real taxi queue was astoundingly and horribly long, so when an official looking lady (why will I never learn?) with a shiny gold "We are the taxi finding department" (or something suchlike) badge on approached me, I was hot, tired and stupid enough to indulge her enquiry by confirming that I did want a taxi and telling her, in Chinese, where I wanted to go. She proceeded to point to a card in her hand and tell me that they would be kind enough to drive me to my destination for 450 RMB (it's an 80 RMB trip). I laughed/snorted in her face, which was the kindest I could manage when what I really wanted was to spit in it (even this pacifist can be pushed too far), and stomped off in the direction of the airport bus.

For a mere 16 RMB I acquired an airport bus ticket without a hitch. Unfortunately, when the bus arrived 20 minutes later, I was not allowed to put my suitcase in the luggage compartment underneath the coach (which contained only one suitcase and had the capacity for at least ten), but was informed via curt gestures and a steely stare, that I was to take it on the bus with me. I dragged my 32 kilo (yes, 32) case to the bottom of the bus stairs and, as fellow passengers shoved me aside in their eagerness to get a seat, wanted to do one, or both, of two things:
1. Cry
2. Go home
Okay, melodramatics aside, the bus driver eventually took pity on this pathetic person and helped me lug the damn thing on board.

We then got wedged in the rush hour traffic. Somewhere between the airport and Wudaokou I discovered that my Chinese mobile was receiving texts and calls, and a few well wishers managed to lift my spirits from the depths of extreme irritation and gloom. Approximately two hours later I reached my beloved apartment and, generally, all was well (with the exception of a cockroach in my bed), and has been ever since.

But that's another story.

Love to you all!

Bec
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